A Wolf in the Woods

Sunday, May 17, 1998

I had planned on going to Oregon Ridge yesterday to do some hiking and some meditation, but didn’t actually make it up there till today. The sun was shining brightly and the breeze was blowing when I arrived. I took my beeper off and put my pistol belt with canteen and butt pack on without even being consciously aware of it. As I started up the trail, I started thinking, 'where in the world are you going?' In response, I heard a voice say, 'trust your feet, they know where to go.' With that, I shut up, and started listening, and feeling. As I looked out through the trees I became aware of things. I heard the chipmunks, the deer, the squirrels, and all the other woodland creatures. I sniffed the air instinctually and I knew. I was HOME. As I walked through the woods, I started tracking sounds, sights, and other things. Not with my ears, or my eyes, but with my senses. I 'heard' things without hearing them. I felt my feet on the ground, but they weren't my feet, they were my paws. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up, my ears perk up, alert my surroundings. I was a ghost. The wolf on a hunt. I didn’t know what I was hunting for, but I knew that when I found it I would KNOW what it was. As I reached the top of the first hill I passed some fellow hikers, they were almost completely oblivious to me, as though I didn’t even exist to them. I past more and more people as I traveled further back the trail. Most paid me no heed. As though I was part of the woods and nothing out of the ordinary. There were a few that had dogs. It was only after the dogs picked up my scent and came up to greet me that their masters even acknowledged my existence. Only then did they greet me, quite warmly. A fellow traveler on the same path. But I was on a different path. I was on my own path with only my feet and the whispering in my ears to guide me. No trail makers to follow, no other hikers, only what I heard in my ears and felt in my heart guiding me to where I was going. I finally passed the second firebreak and I knew, I remembered I was getting closer. 'Getting closer to what?' 'Ssssssshhhh. . . . . .just listen. . . . . follow.' I did so. The trail cut left, and right, and divided, and forked, and turned. I couldn’t tell you where I was, but I was on my way. I could see the faeries on either side of the path. I saw their villages, heard their laughter, felt them dancing around me. 'Your back!' 'We've missed you.' 'Where have you been?' 'No matter, your home now, and that’s all that counts.' I had forgotten about the city until I crested the last rise before the pond. Where it snakes down to the stream. I felt as though I had entered the city gates. The faeries where standing guard in the trees, nodding to me as I entered their realm. The city was bustling with life. Not everyday life of us, but faerie life. I felt them and I heard them. All around me. More now then when I first started my path. I passed more hikers and it was again, as if I wasn’t even there. I was a ghost in their midst. There was a group of hikers struggling to cross part of the stream. I let them finish. I disappeared into their midst. A shadow among them. Nothing out of the ordinary. I tried speaking; physically speaking to them to greet them and let them know what was on the trail ahead of them. They didn’t even hear me. They finished crossing the stream and continued on their way as a group. Never once even glancing in my direction. I finally reached the pond. It was only after the group of eight dogs decided I was worth investigating did their owner even greet me. They introduced themselves to me, but again, I was mostly a shadow even among them. They paid me little heed as they swam in the water and ran around playing. I stripped off my socks and my shoes and dipped my feet in the cool water. I hadn’t realized how tired my feet actually were until the cool water hit them. Soon, the owner of the dogs finished his lunch, gathered up his own pack and wandered off. I pulled out my "Witches Guide to Faerie Folk" and started reading. I brought it because I had wanted to do a meditation. I opened the book and started reading. I read about the journey to faerie land and the different stages one passes through. None of them sounded anything like what I was going through. I read for a while, then felt the breeze pick back up again, and in the voice of the wind, I heard it. 'J*C**, you are the prince that leads.' As I heard these words being spoken as much in my mind as well as my ears, I saw in my mind the crown being once again, placed in my head and I knew again, that I was HOME. 'You are the wolf that hunts.' And I saw me again, stalking through the forest after the unseen prey. I felt the earth under my paws, my ears alert for noise, my nose sniffing the air for my prey and my eyes scanning for movement. My eyes, glowing red, once again, opened to my surroundings. I felt ME in the woods, the woods that I live in, the woods that I own. MY territory. 'You are the father that guides.' And I saw me gently holding the hand of a child, leading and teacher all that I know. 'You only align yourself with the people who help you on your path. A lone wolf that travels from place, to place. Never staying, but never leaving.' I looked around and realized that I was home. I have found, yet again, ME. I am part of their world, and they live inside me. I am the prince they listen to. I am the wolf that prowls the darkness. Ever on patrol, ever alert, always prepared to defend my territory, and my people, from those who mean harm. I stood up and looked around again, sensing the faeries fading back into the woods. They told me what I needed to know. They were ready to get back to the things they needed to do. I didn’t want them to go. I didn’t want to go, but I knew I was done. I put my socks and shoes back on and I gathered up my things. As I walked down to the path and started on my journey back, I heard them wishing me well. I felt them waving and sending me merrily back to where I belonged. They were glad to see me again, but it was time for me to return to reality. I will see them again, another time, in another place. I will be back, and when I return once again, they will tell me what I need to know. Until such time, I thank them for being there with me and sharing with me. It is always a pleasure to feel them; to go home for a visit every now and then. I have been away far too long. But they forgive me. I am a part of them, and they are a part of me.